I don’t know about you, but I can bend, fold and twist the truth like a cabin steward on a cruise ship folds and twists towels into those little animals they leave in your cabin each day. You never know if you’ll find a swan or a monkey, but the finished product is sure to be cute and bear little resemblance to the utilitarian, pure form it started as.

The difference between twisting the truth and twisting a towel is that the outcome of the former isn’t nearly as adorable, especially when we accessorize with blame and judgment of ourselves and others.

How do you know when you’re twisting the truth? How do you get back to it?

• Our bodies always let us know when our thoughts, words or actions aren’t aligned with what we really want or with being our best self. You may have an unsettled feeling in your stomach, restlessness, a fluttering in your chest, sweaty palms.

Take a moment to notice how your body feels the next time you’re saying ‘Yes’ when you’d rather say ‘No, thank you!’ The more you pay attention to what your body is telling you, the easier it gets to hear it (and choose what you really want).

• Your sentences include words like can’t, always, never, should or shouldn’t. The use of those words is a sure sign you’re placing blame or judgment on yourself, someone else, or a situation: “I’m always disorganized so I can’t run my own business from home!”

The more factual and self-loving truth is “I tend to lose track of things when I don’t use a system; what tools and processes work with my unique style to stay organized?” Using phrases like ‘I tend to’ and ‘Right now’ allow you to be an objective observer of your patterns and allow space for options.

• You make the problem about someone else. Confession: I turned into a Coach Gone Wild when I shared the uninvited ‘observation’ with my significant other that he doesn’t use the words “thank you” very often (luckily it wasn’t captured on video!). I’d wanted extra appreciation and that felt ‘needy’ so I was afraid to ask for it.

Embrace your wants without judgment! The real truth is I want to be appreciated, complimented, and generally adored (by myself and others).

Use the tips above to reframe the truths that you’ve been twisting.