Archive for June, 2009

Have you ever felt like there are almost TOO many options to choose from when it comes to what you want? That the hardest part of getting it can be figuring out what “it” is??

I find it both liberating AND scary to think about what I want. After all, moving toward something can mean leaving the comfy and familiar behind, and what happens if I want something with my heart and soul and it doesn’t happen?? Could it be better to just not want to begin with??

Whew…that either/or scarcity thinking is exhausting! I know from experience…lately I’ve been under a smothering cloud of tension about what I want compared to the comfort of how things have been.

There’s nothing like the joy of falling in love with a man that you want to spend your life with! And there’s nothing like the cloud of tension I’ve felt about life as my daughter and I have known it for 9 years changing when we blend families! Toss in the start of a new business from home, the daughter being a tween, and well…it’s been a little ugly (and funny when I have perspective!).

How do you move from scarcity thinking to abundance about what you want?

For me, the shift happened this morning. I was frankly tired of the drama and crying (which was useful for a little while!) and simply made a choice to return to abundance.

What impact did that choice have? I got up to go for a run (which I felt too tired for when mired in the drama). Running is magic for me when it comes to getting perspective and energy. What is magic for you??

Before I left I was browsing an old Oprah magazine. I read an article about a Leadership Summit for ‘regular’ women who’d won a contest to bring forth their humanitarian ideas and get support for moving them forward. In abundance mode, I noticed which stories inspired me most and what I want with my own work if I could have it any way at all. I have several ideas I can’t wait to follow up on!

And – ideas for this article just hadn’t been able to get through the smothering cloud of tension. As I joyfully ran, getting out of my own way, ideas tumbled in…

I still don’t know what blended family life will look like, but I’m remembering that I always get what I want or something better!

What helps you move from fear of change to risking what you really want?

So what does saying YES really mean to your life?

I believe it means having the faith and courage to step into the next and highest version of who you are meant to be as spiritual beings and Creators in a physical body. And to keep expanding into your highest potential which may beyond your imagination to conceive. It means going the distance without giving up and quitting; releasing the false illusions about who you think you are to allow the real magnificent you to more fully emerge.

Fulfilling our dreams and desires does not end with a single yes to any vision, action plan, or goal. Thinking that just because we came to a decision to do or have something that our success is assured is naive. We must say yes every second, every minute, and every hour of every day as we make choices that move us towards what we truly desire. And, we must know when choosing to say no is the right answer because saying yes will take us in an opposite direction of what we desire.

Are you aware of what your soul is calling you to become?

Have you been listening the whispers of your spirit and following your inner nudges?

What YES have you been resisting that is persisting?

Have you been making choices that are moving you towards or away from your desires?

Questions that arise:

1. What will be I be asked to do that I may not want to do?

Life (God, Soul, The Divine) will not give you step two until you take step one. Spiritual practices such as meditation, morning papers, journaling, and walks in natures create connections for Life to speak to us through intuition, instincts, feelings… It is true that the guidance we sense or hear might seem scary, confusing, …even nuts. Our ego/mind screams, “No way. It’s not safe. It’s crazy…” Our gut and instincts say, “Trust that all will be well. Go for it.” What is guiding your decisions? The fears and illusions of your mind? Or, the knowing wisdom from your soul looking beyond the limitations of your mind and beckoning you to the wonders of what’s next?

Attempting to remain stagnant is impossible because evolution and change is a constant. You are either moving forward or you are moving backward. Look at your life to see where you are.

2. How far do I need to s-t-r-e-t-c-h?

You want some guarantees or a preview of what is to come before decided to take the plunge? Sorry,. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s why it’s called taking a leap of faith. You must stretch as far as is needed to receive what you desire. There may be periods of extreme challenge that can cause you to waver in doubt and fear.

How well you know yourself, your spiritual practices, ongoing evolution, attitude shifting tools, and circle of support are critical factors to staying strong no matter what is happening.

3. What if my YES upsets others?

It might. And in weighing all the elements of saying yes, you must also trust that the people in your life will benefit in the long run even if the short term brings some discomfort. You do not know what the people in your life have come to experience to become who they are meant to be.

Marianne Williamson’s famous quote from “A Return To Love” speaks to the very heart of each of us who fear or feel undeserving of owning our greatness

“…Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the Universe. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others…”

My mother used to say, “You can’t have everything you want!” I had no problem expressing what I wanted when I was a child. I was terrific at thinking abundantly. As a young girl I wanted to play with my friends, go on adventures through my books, ride my bicycle, and climb trees.

It was only when I became an adult that I became more aware of scarcity. Concerns about paying the bills, staying healthy, climbing the corporate ladder, and planning for retirement increasingly consumed my thoughts. Although it is important to be a responsible adult, we don’t have to be fearful or self-absorbed adults. Seriously, I am ready to replace scarcity thinking with abundant thinking.

You may be wondering how you will know if most of your thinking centers on abundance or scarcity. Read some of the examples below and see if anything resonates with you.

Examples of Abundant Thinking:

• When I network with people, I purposefully look for ways to help them connect with others. I believe that what I put out into the world comes right back at me, so of course someone will help me – in fact, they already have in many areas of my life.
• When I have a conflict with someone, I look for ways of staying in the conversation to discover ways that both of us can get what we want – no compromises!
• When I sit down to enjoy my meal, I don’t overeat because there is always enough.
• I see myself as a peer to everyone.
• I don’t hold onto grudges and past wrongdoings. I release myself from the bondage of that hurt or pain.
• I enjoy spending time in nature, feeling a strong bond to the Earth.
• In my meditations or prayers, I spend just as much time listening as I do asking or talking.
• I trust myself to know what is right for me.
• I often laugh at myself when I do or say silly things.

Examples of Scarcity Thinking:

• I call on people in my network when I need them.
• I rarely if ever help someone without expecting something in return.
• I love it when I can catch someone charging me too much for something.
• I worry constantly about my finances. Sometimes I even lie to my partner so he/she won’t get mad or be afraid.
• I don’t give my money to charity. Rich people should do that.
• When I’m in a conflict with someone, I rarely say what I think. I’d rather just keep the peace.
• Whenever I’m around this certain person, I say the stupidest things. She makes me feel so insignificant.
• Sara really disappointed me. I thought she was really bright, but when I saw how she handled that project, I realized I am way smarter than her.
• I know that I promised I would do that thing for Astor, but I got tied up. He should know how busy I am. Why did he ask me in the first place? He’s so insensitive.

What speaks to you? Is there anything you want to change? If so, you have already conquered the first step which is acknowledging and recognizing something you want to change. The second step is practice – by yourself or with someone who will support and encourage you.

Integrate your responsible adult thinking with your childlike abundant thinking and get ready for one of the grandest adventures you can imagine!

I’m sure you’ve heard something like the following:

• “That’s just who I am”
• “It is what it is”
• “The key is to accept a person as they are”

How do statements like the above work in situations such as the following?

• A friend is emotionally abusive
• The employee is barely engaged
• A husband is chronically depressed
• The leader is unable to inspire others

Is it helpful for the supervisor to say to the poor performer, “that’s just who you are”? I don’t think so …

I am now seeing platitudes of zen-like acceptance of situations and people as yet another way to resign ourselves to mediocrity, to rationalize abuse and oppression, and to collude with the ultimate delusion that we can’t make a difference. In attempting to ‘accept what is’ and let go of attachment to outcome, we fall into a pit of victimhood!

The first step out of these pitfalls is to want more for ourselves, like friends who are emotionally responsible, colleagues who are passionately engaged, partners who are excited to be on a path of enlightenment, leaders who challenge and inspire the best in others … these are healthy wants.

But our confusion about wanting more for ourselves creates chaos and confusion around us.

I’ve had to learn to want more from the deepest desires in my soul, without creating mixed messages tainted with guilt, restraint, doubt, and scarcity. Wanting more can be seen as selfish, arrogant, idealistic …. I’ve had each of these fearful sentiments mirrored back to me as I’ve gained courage in asking for what I truly want.

Healthy wanting more depends on our ability to see beyond the illusions and fears of our current realities, beyond the behaviors we are exhibiting, to the real essence of people…

For example:

• We can see the CEO rigidly using structure to enforce his will on his organization
• Or we can see the same CEO struggling to be both a compassionate and results oriented leader

Wanting more for my-self can literally pull my vision beyond the limitations of ‘what is’ into a sea of possibilities. A conversation with our CEO can shift from:

• He won’t budge, to
• What are you trying to create, here’s what I want, how can we work together

By wanting more I get to have fun exploring the many realities beyond the one that holds me where I am, into the adventurous territory of who I am becoming.

So how can we want more without becoming materialistic and greedy? How do we keep our wants aligned with abundance and authenticity instead of scarcity?

I’ve been venturing out into the world of blogs more and more and wanted to share a few finds related to career that align with where the IAM learning network is headed:

Career Renegade – Jonathan Fields is working to “level the playing field” of work after recovering from being an overworked securities lawyer.

Illuminated Mind – Another Jonathan who just quit his day job with the mantra “liberation”. Makes me wonder why so many people think of traditional work as a prison.

Escape from Cubicle Nation – Pamela Slim is clearly working to stay in integrity with who she is as she also ventures into new territories in how she works.

Brazen Careerist – Penelope Trunk is on the ‘out of balance’ side of the work/life balance equation and she’s openly working through how she’s finding her way. Great modelling as we’re all learning what equillibrium looks like.

I’ve notice myself sitting with a question as I think about the great work these folks are doing: what are they moving toward? I’m more clear about what they are moving away from.

So I’m curious:  what are folks wanting to create as they move away from the confines of the old ways of working?