I’m sure you’ve heard something like the following:

• “That’s just who I am”
• “It is what it is”
• “The key is to accept a person as they are”

How do statements like the above work in situations such as the following?

• A friend is emotionally abusive
• The employee is barely engaged
• A husband is chronically depressed
• The leader is unable to inspire others

Is it helpful for the supervisor to say to the poor performer, “that’s just who you are”? I don’t think so …

I am now seeing platitudes of zen-like acceptance of situations and people as yet another way to resign ourselves to mediocrity, to rationalize abuse and oppression, and to collude with the ultimate delusion that we can’t make a difference. In attempting to ‘accept what is’ and let go of attachment to outcome, we fall into a pit of victimhood!

The first step out of these pitfalls is to want more for ourselves, like friends who are emotionally responsible, colleagues who are passionately engaged, partners who are excited to be on a path of enlightenment, leaders who challenge and inspire the best in others … these are healthy wants.

But our confusion about wanting more for ourselves creates chaos and confusion around us.

I’ve had to learn to want more from the deepest desires in my soul, without creating mixed messages tainted with guilt, restraint, doubt, and scarcity. Wanting more can be seen as selfish, arrogant, idealistic …. I’ve had each of these fearful sentiments mirrored back to me as I’ve gained courage in asking for what I truly want.

Healthy wanting more depends on our ability to see beyond the illusions and fears of our current realities, beyond the behaviors we are exhibiting, to the real essence of people…

For example:

• We can see the CEO rigidly using structure to enforce his will on his organization
• Or we can see the same CEO struggling to be both a compassionate and results oriented leader

Wanting more for my-self can literally pull my vision beyond the limitations of ‘what is’ into a sea of possibilities. A conversation with our CEO can shift from:

• He won’t budge, to
• What are you trying to create, here’s what I want, how can we work together

By wanting more I get to have fun exploring the many realities beyond the one that holds me where I am, into the adventurous territory of who I am becoming.

So how can we want more without becoming materialistic and greedy? How do we keep our wants aligned with abundance and authenticity instead of scarcity?

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