What’s more insane than the conflicts we see between nations and individuals? Wherever conflict arises, whether in our local families or nation communities, there is one simple solution to struggle of any kind: caring for ourselves.

How could conflict resolution be so simple? An example: the socially liberal daughter and the financially conservative father whose conflicting views have made it impossible for them to enjoy each other.

Conflict exists only when we find ourselves in either/or situations: either her liberal views or his conservative ones. Either/or situations happen when we see our family or community as too small to include our views (or needs).

It’s very tempting to blame the community when either/or situations happen: “I don’t fit in this family or ‘this group’ won’t accept my views.” True enough – this happens! Yet we now know without a doubt that the world is big enough for each of us to find a place where our views belong. Somewhere!

We create impossible situations when honoring of our views is dependent on “the other” person or community. Conflict is inevitable if the daughter’s liberal views are honored only if the father agrees and vice versa.

The trick to getting past this dependence on ‘the other’ is for us to care for or love ourselves enough to find that space and place of acceptance and love within. Once we love on the inside, the outside comes easily. We create communities that love our views.

What often happens is that the daughter’s liberal views are respected by the father once she no longer needs her father to agree – when the daughter belongs to a community where her views are appreciated. Once we experience respect for our views – we are free to confidently and productively explore our differences.

Making self-care a priority, practicing relentless self love creates situations where delight in our differences is possible. Limiting our expectations to the co-existence of diverse views implies toleration of ‘the other’.

What I want is delight in ‘the other’. What are the fathers’ conservative concerns and why?

I can only listen deeply to and enjoy the gifts of a radically different view if I confidently love myself and am willing to stretch …

All it takes is for one person to practice self-love and stretch, for delight in the views of “the other” to be experienced. From that one person loving, a family can love. If a family can love, a community can love. If a community can love, a nation can love and end conflict with its enemies….

Ending the insanity of conflict between nations will come from one person having the courage to ‘love thine enemy’. Which takes loving myself. Really, it’s as simple as that.

So can you imagine ending conflict being as simple as self-love? What are the “yea, buts” that come to mind?

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