Archive for the ‘Essence Map’ Category

Every month we have a teleconference with our IAM Learning Community (premium) members to discuss how they can stay their course, connecting to what is essential about themselves, as they transform their work and life to be their best ongoing.

Last week we focused on the topic of making money doing what you love. With so much fear about work and jobs around, it felt important to address the practicalities of how “money = love” works.

Here’s a summary of the list we created together on the call. The call included both people who perceive themselves as accomplished at the money = love challenge, and people who are still figuring it out. Here’s what we came up with:

1. Challenge/mistake: Attempting to jump directly from work being struggle to work being joyful.

   Best practice: Establish a daily practice of experiencing joy in your work. Gradually build your experience and faith in work being joyful.

2. Challenge/mistake: Listening to nay-sayers.

   Best practice: Surround yourself with people who support you following your dreams. Limit time with people who detract.

3. Challenge/mistake: Listening to experts.

   Best practice: Remember that you are the best expert on what is right for you. Develop trust in yourself to know, to discern, to choose what is right for you. Then consider expert advice.

4. Challenge/mistake: Thinking success is going to just ‘happen’ or an event will make or break you.

   Best practice: Making money doing what you love is a faith journey. Any one event is merely a stepping stone along the way. Remember this type of success is about walking a path of love and joy – ongoing.

5. Challenge/mistake: Looking for physical evidence to ‘prove’ your success.

   Best practice: Feeling the flow of love and joy is a precursor to physical evidence. Focus on the joy and love first, and the evidence will come.

6. Challenge/mistake: Surrounding yourself with other successful people, but feeling ‘less than’ and riding on their coat tails.

   Best practice: Be the leader of yourself and know that you are the source of the joy and love that will determine your success – now.

7. Challenge/mistake: Thinking of success in limited ways, such as only considering $ indicators.

   Best practice: Think of success as an ‘abundance bucket’ that can show-up in an infinite variety of ways. Let go, be open to being surprised at the variety of ways wealth can show up!

8. Challenge/mistake: Expecting the path forward to be linear and logical.
   
   Best practice: Think of a windy path or 100 different tacks that you might take. Those who are wander are not lost. Nothing is ever wasted. Don’t try to make sense of the path and you’ll be fine.
9. Challenge/mistake: Finding security in a well thought-out plan.

   Best practice: In the path of joy, security comes from knowing that you don’t need to know, and trusting that all you do need to have is clarity about the next step you’ll take. Get good at sorting through the noise related to your next step – use your heart as the filter. When you know your next step, move with confidence.

What do you think? What has been key to you making money doing what you love? What challenges are you facing now?

U.S. Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale

I cleaned out my office today & ran across an index card with the Stockdale Paradox on it. In case you’re not familiar with the Stockdale Paradox, Jim Collins describes it in his book, “Good to Great” as:

“Retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties AND confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.”

I highly recommend reading about Jim Stockdale in this wiki to learn more about his experience as a Vietnam POW & how he was able to survive when many others didn’t: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale.

Surviving a POW camp is in no way comparable to conducting a job search or developing your career, but there are important lessons we can learn from Jim Stockdale’s experience.

Got Faith?

Stockdale said he never doubted he would prevail and turn this horrific experience into a defining event in his life. He never lost faith.

I think about a time when I was in a job that felt like a prison to me. I felt victimized, like I had no choices. But that wasn’t true. I did have choices. I hired a coach and started working on a plan to not just get me out of there but to really envision a future for myself. I read somewhere that faith is passionate trust. I trusted myself to know what I really wanted, and I trusted God to show me the way.

The Brutal Facts

Stockdale says we must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality. There are two important points here – defining reality and discipline.

What is reality? I heard someone say, “If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” Well, just like Stockdale, I believe the facts DO count.

There are certain facts about you that should be a factor in your career development. This is the brutal reality of YOU – the brilliant you, and it’s important that you know what it is and can sufficiently describe it to others.

And then there’s the other side of reality such as the people who show up on American Idol who can’t carry a tune and can’t understand why they aren’t chosen. Or the person who doesn’t want to learn anything new and thinks they can coast to retirement. Or the person who knows their performance has been lagging but thinks people won’t notice. This is our blind spot, and it is essential to make that spot as small as possible.

After you have a good idea of your reality, it’s time for discipline. Discipline might conjure up some images as being grounded or a drill sergeant commanding you to take 100 pushups in the freezing rain, but consider another definition of discipline: “self-control, training for improvement, and a systematic method.”  It seems to me that discipline is at the heart of leadership, so when it comes to determining our careers, it is essential to have a system in place to help us reach our dreams (strategies, intentions, goals). I hired a coach, increased my knowledge, and put a system in place to be more accountable so that I could expand my choices.

So, CAN be anything you want?  Maybe! Use these tips to guide you in deciding what you really, really want:

1. Take a look at the brutal reality of you. Who are you, and what are your strengths (skills, knowledge, abilities)? What is important to you? What would make you want to go work every day full of energy and passion?
2. Have the discipline to do what it takes to get you what you want. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach, going back to school, updating your resume, networking, etc. Stop doing those things that are getting in the way of what you want.
3. Have faith that you will prevail despite difficult circumstances.
4. Allow yourself to be surprised. Don’t wrap up your life so tightly that you miss some amazing detours off your path.

Do you have something else to add to this discussion? If so, I’d love to hear from you!

Happy 2010! Last year was a year of laying the foundation for our movement of transforming work and life so everyone can be their best. I learned a lot about myself last year and this year promises to stretch me even further. I’m super excited about that!

I have been wondering about you and your intentions for 2010, specifically how you’ll anchor in more deeply to being your best. Last year a client told me she had selected a word of the year to guide her throughout the year. She got the idea from Christine Kane (www.christinekane.com). Today I read a blog by Chris Brogan who chooses 3 words each year. Read his blog here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/my-3-words-for-2010/#comment-27738450.

Last year my word was recriprocal, and it served me very well. Last week I began thinking about my word for 2010. I decided to let go of trying to figure it out and just trust God for my word. The strangest thing happened. I had a dream and the word, enamor, came to me in my sleep. I can’t remember the details, but when I woke up, the word was firmly in my mind.

Now, mind you, I have vivid, sometimes strange dreams, and I have never had a dream where a word was given to me. Also, as I get older, I find that my memory fails me when I try to remember certain words, but I easily recall this word throughout the day. Also, not surprisingly enamor is not part of my normal conversations.

So, although I don’t know if I will add more words to my word of the year, I am definitely keeping enamor. I look forward to playing with my word of the year, peeling it back like an onion, to help me be my best and help others do the same.

What do you think about choosing a word or words for 2010? Take a look at Christine’s video on her blog and/or read Chris Brogan’s blog post and see if choosing a word(s) is something you might want to participate in this year. And be sure to let me know. I’m planning to write about my word at least monthly if not more often throughout the year. I’d love to support you in your word choice.

Many blessings to you and those you love in 2010! May you feel love in a big way (enamor)…

What would Christmas be without Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer?  The original story was created in 1939 by Robert May an employee of Montgomery Ward. May is said to have created the story based on his own childhood where he was taunted for being shy and small.

In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”

Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermey. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.

Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.

Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization,  your home, your school … everywhere!

The Essence Map is a tool we have found useful in helping people to shift more and more into being at their best. It’s a tool I’d like to use to help transform how we conduct business, bringing with us the best of business, leaving behind once and for all those practices that deplete people, resources and the planet.

We use the Essence Map to talk about what is essential, and thus focus on the essential versus focusing on drama.

One of the tricky aspects of Focusing on the Essential is that it’s looking at something intangible. It’s like putting your trust in the wind: you can’t actually see it but you can see the effect it creates. How do you put your trust in something like the wind?

Here are some ideas I’ve put together to help us make the business case for Focusing on the Essential. I’d love to see these ideas evolve into something even more compelling and useful – with your help…

1. Look at the benefits of focusing on the essential. Some possibilities:
   • Full engagement
   • Energy
   • Creativity
   • Innovation
   • Health
   • Productivity
   • Focus
   • Sustainability
2. Look at the costs of drama. Some possibilities:
   • Exhaustion
   • Health issues
   • Boredom
   • Stress
   • Distraction
   • Burnout
   • Insomnia
   • Detachment
   • False limitations
   • Low productivity
   • Decreased performance
   • Sabotage
   • Absenteeism
3. Make it personal. What is your personal point of pain? What is the businesses point of pain? Identify a compelling need for change.
4. Paint a picture. Use the Essence Map or some other way of demonstrating the cost of Drama. Emphasize that a different way is needed to achieve results that are liberated from the constraints of Drama.
5. Bring hope. Ask questions about what people want. Access their desire for something better. Be relentless about seeing the Essential Best of each person you work with.
6. Keep it simple. Stay clear by being at your own Essential Best. Drama is confusing and creates complexity.
7. Take a stand. Be a leader for yourself and others – for being at your Essential Best and by coaching and challenging others to be at their Essential Best.
8. Become an expert. Being able to shift from Drama to Essence over and over will give you the confidence to coach and lead others.

People have become confused. Many think that results and money are what is most important. What’s ironic is that when we focus on the essential, money and results are handled, often beyond our wildest imaginings. Now is an incredible time for us – as people remember that time with their families, their happiness, their sense of well being is most important. We have an opportunity to help translate these realizations into a more evolved way of conducting business.

The more clear we are about all of this, the easier it will be to create it – in simple, fun and easy ways!

So what are your ideas for making the business case for focusing on the essential? What gets you confused? What helps you stay clear? I’d love to hear from you …

You’ve heard about drama haven’t you? Is the play or movie you’re going to see a drama or comedy? Or, how about the catchy phrase “save your drama for your mama” – a comment on our frustration with whiny people.  Barack Obama made drama famous by asking people working on his campaign to skip the drama.

I like one of the Urban Dictionary’s definitions best: “making a big deal over something unnecessarily.”

I use the term ‘Drama’ to describe what it looks like when I’m not at my best.  It’s a part of my Essence Map tool – a simple way of guiding myself and others in where we are in the process of waking up to the best of who we can be – ongoing.

Often Drama is perceived as negative. Whiny people are a pain. Who wants to be around someone going through a victim spiral? The Drama of miscommunication creates conflict. Drama in business can be very costly. Who has time or energy for it? Let’s be done with Drama!

And yet I want to encourage people to see the value in Drama. It’s entertaining (to some)! It provides opportunities for learning. It defines the edge of who we perceive ourselves to be. It offers territories of potential growth and new perspectives. Drama is cool!

So what’s the deal with Drama; is it good or is it bad? Neither!

Drama becomes problematic when we get stuck in it (think patterns of sabotage, dysfunction, addiction or victim behavior), when we use it to define our identity (I’m a worrier, busy, overwhelmed), or when we attribute our Drama to other people (how arrogant of you to ask what you want from me).

Drama becomes an opportunity when we can see ourselves as separate from it, when we use it as fuel for our creative energies, when we learn from it by transforming feeling bad about it into loving ourselves.

Making the distinction between Drama and our Essential Best or Essence becomes powerful when we use it to consciously choose where we focus our attention. Thus, one of our introductory workshops is “Focusing on the Essential“. We access our powerful selves (as in power with, not power over) when we focus on what is essential. We fall into being our small selves when we focus on Drama.

So I think one of the most important choices we can make, day after day, is whether to focus on our Essential Best or our Drama. Our focus determines how we feel (happy or sad), what we see (possibilities or limitations), what we know (wisdom or confusion), what we achieve (positive results or struggle).

Now I’m curious. What is Drama from your perspective? How do you make the best of Drama? How do you keep perspective? How do you leverage it? How does it entertain you? Or beleager you? (Is that a word, beleager?) You know – bring you down … I’d love to know!

I presented our “Focusing on the Essential” material to the Raleigh ICF chapter (coaches) this week and had a great time creating new learning with this group of people. It was a super fun experience …

I usually start my sessions with folks by asking what they expect to get out of the conversation … I want people to have skin in the game with me. One person said she “wanted to know what I thought was essential”. I responded by saying I wanted to know what she and everyone else thought was Essential!

So I introduce people to the idea of the Essential by asking, “What does it look like, feel like (in your body), smell like or taste like when you are at your best?” People respond by putting one word or phrase on a yellow/gold piece of paper in the center of a circle, as many thoughts/paper as they’d like. This group generated a huge amount of information. My response to this person’s question: “What you see here is what’s Essential”.

Here’s what they wrote:

• Energy – Tingling, Radiating, Full of
• Magic
• Contributing
• Making a Difference
• Motivation
• Laughing
• Connecting with someone else
• Play
• Being real
• Exuberant
• Happy
• Full
• Easy/effortless
• Breezy
• Warmth in my heart and gut
• Open
• From within
• In flow
• So interesting!
• Joyful
• Juicy
• Satisfying
• Fun
• Whole
• Well-rested
• Grateful
• Smiling
• Clear
• Heartfelt
• Content
• Clear channel to my talents and strengths
• Sharing
• Sense of well-being
• Asking questions
• Fantastic
• Great
• A bright sky with the wind blowing through the apple blossoms
• Powerful
• Irresistible
• Dark chocolate
• Worthy
• Relaxed
• Glowing
• Exciting
• Natural
• Me
• Clicking
• Raw
• Productive
• Creative
• Shine
• Active
• Attracting others
• Full of possibilities
• Free
• Intuitive
• Energized and powerful like a mountain stream
• Spontaneous and joyful like a mockingbird’s song
• Amazing
• Light
• Light, weightless, and effervescent like a down comforter with 1000 thread count sheets
• Connected to center/core of self
• Calm
• Attentive
• Grounded
• Confident
• Sparkling
• Peaceful
• Jazzed

This list is very consistent with what I’ve seen group after group, individual after individual, over the last 5 years I’ve been working with the question of ‘what’s essential’ ~ equating it with being at your best.

My proposal is that nothing is more important that living from, being at, focusing on whatever  we individually define as ‘being at our best’.  It’s when we are the most happy and productive. It’s when we see things clearly. It’s when we know we are bigger than any problem we might encounter.

As we discussed this as a group, we reached a place of saying “this is so obvious!” Why, oh why then is ‘the essential’ not obvious to everyone? Why do so many people focus on other things (we like to call these things drama) that don’t lead to being happy and productive?

I have my own ideas about this, but I’d really like to see what you think. What words would you add this list of what it looks like to be at your best? And why is it, that people don’t make being at their best more of a priority?

Personally, I like to hang around people and businesses that make being at their best a priority. It’s more fun and brings out the best in me. Are you one of those kind of people?

The IAM Be Your Best lesson talks about how we choose to be our best in whatever circumstances come our way. We call this your Essential Best because it brings all of who you are into the picture – a holistic view.

This focus on your best is an interesting concept that seems so simple, yet can be completely forgotten. Just directing my attention to being my best helps me imagine a better outcome for my conversations with others, how I want to approach a project, how to have more fun, and so on. I can tell when I’m  focused on my best:  I actually feel lighter and breathe easier.

Focusing on my Essential Best helps me make decisions about how I want to show up at work, at home, with my friends and family. It’s a very subtle, simple shift from focusing on what’s wrong, to focusing on what’s right, that gets really great results. Something that helps make this shift is just taking a pause & asking, “Am I bringing my best?”

You might be surprised at how so few people just take a pause. Many times we think we have to give an immediate response, and that’s not always the best approach. Think about it. The next time you are making a decision, having a conversation, conducting a meeting, working with a team, and so on, take a pause & ask yourself, “How can I bring more of my Essential Best?”

I love thinking about career strategies, but that wasn’t always the case. I made some poor choices early in my career. I remember the day my manager told me that he would love to promote me but his hands were tied because I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree. I was so angry. It seemed so unfair; I had gotten excellent performance reviews for 6 years in a row. I thought about what I really wanted for my career and decided I could complain about it or do something about it, so the next week I enrolled in night school to get my bachelor’s degree. I worked really hard. I had a full-time job during the day, school at night, homework on the weekends, and going through infertility treatments. My husband must be a saint!

After I got my degree I moved into a better position at a new company, or so I thought. At first I loved my work, but after a few years I began to get restless. I wondered what was wrong with me. When I told my boss I wanted to do something different, she said, “Why can’t you just stay where you are?” If you read the Career Concepts article in this lesson, you’ll see that I favor the spiral career concept, so there’s nothing wrong with me.

I couldn’t just quit my job due to financial obligations and had no idea what I even wanted to do, so I hired a coach (the lovely Karen Tax) to help me figure it out. We created a strategy so I would have enough money in the bank to take off a year from work and begin a coaching program. I also found a great part-time job. Interestingly enough, that year was my husband’s highest salary ever due to the bonuses he received (this was post 9/11).

Now I’m completing a master’s program in May, have my own business, and am partnering with Karen in this venture of IAM Learning initiatives.  What I’ve learned is that in our world today, it isn’t likely that we can plan out our whole careers in this linear, static fashion. However, it is essential to be strategic about our careers. If I had not been strategic about my career, I would be have likely been laid off as the company I work for is now in bankruptcy, and my career choices would have been very limited.

In the Sight Your Destination lesson, we asked you to think about what you really, really want for your life and career. As you think about strategies you have employed in your life and career, which ones have worked best for you?