Archive for the ‘Touchstones’ Category

I’ve had enough experience collaborating with other people to know that if we’re not clear about the 100% responsible ‘rule’, we won’t achieve the kind of success I know I can create. I now call it the  ‘IAM 100% Responsible Touchstone‘ (it’s the 3rd touchstone) instead of calling it a ‘rule’. Rather than being rigid about it, I like to see it as something we pick up and look at over and over again.

The IAM 100% Responsible Touchstone sets up an understanding of shifting from reacting, to responding,  to creating every aspect of our experience. This expectation is essential to creating powerful, reciprocal, healthy, learning, growing, healing, and co-creative collaborations.

I also know that there is a continuum of understanding from ‘I am a victim’ reacting to my life …  to ‘I am the 100% creator’ of absolutely every aspect of everything I experience. There are usually catches  at certain points: I am 100% responsible – except I could never be responsible for this or that.

These ‘catch points’ are critical in the process of evolving and transforming consciousness because they are indicators of the edges of our awareness. Playing with a shift from saying ‘this happened to me’ to ‘I created xyz’ is great as a way of exploring awareness of the power we bring to every situation. Facing and shifting these catch points is critical when overcoming a victim pattern or lack of success or any limitation you experience.

What are your catch points?  For example, look at the following series of statements:

• I created this article.
• I created great results with this project.
• I created trust in this relationship.
• I created this rude encounter.
• I created that green light.
• I created the rain storm today.
• I created my experience of financial lack.
• I created that driver slamming into me.

Where are your catch points? And how might moving beyond a current catch point help you experience the next level of success you know is right there waiting to come to you?

A while ago, several of the Associates of Karen Tax & Associates had a conversation about this 100% responsible continuum. The following are some notes from that conversation (December 17, 2007)…

Happy 2010! Last year was a year of laying the foundation for our movement of transforming work and life so everyone can be their best. I learned a lot about myself last year and this year promises to stretch me even further. I’m super excited about that!

I have been wondering about you and your intentions for 2010, specifically how you’ll anchor in more deeply to being your best. Last year a client told me she had selected a word of the year to guide her throughout the year. She got the idea from Christine Kane (www.christinekane.com). Today I read a blog by Chris Brogan who chooses 3 words each year. Read his blog here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/my-3-words-for-2010/#comment-27738450.

Last year my word was recriprocal, and it served me very well. Last week I began thinking about my word for 2010. I decided to let go of trying to figure it out and just trust God for my word. The strangest thing happened. I had a dream and the word, enamor, came to me in my sleep. I can’t remember the details, but when I woke up, the word was firmly in my mind.

Now, mind you, I have vivid, sometimes strange dreams, and I have never had a dream where a word was given to me. Also, as I get older, I find that my memory fails me when I try to remember certain words, but I easily recall this word throughout the day. Also, not surprisingly enamor is not part of my normal conversations.

So, although I don’t know if I will add more words to my word of the year, I am definitely keeping enamor. I look forward to playing with my word of the year, peeling it back like an onion, to help me be my best and help others do the same.

What do you think about choosing a word or words for 2010? Take a look at Christine’s video on her blog and/or read Chris Brogan’s blog post and see if choosing a word(s) is something you might want to participate in this year. And be sure to let me know. I’m planning to write about my word at least monthly if not more often throughout the year. I’d love to support you in your word choice.

Many blessings to you and those you love in 2010! May you feel love in a big way (enamor)…

What would Christmas be without Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer?  The original story was created in 1939 by Robert May an employee of Montgomery Ward. May is said to have created the story based on his own childhood where he was taunted for being shy and small.

In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”

Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermey. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.

Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.

Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization,  your home, your school … everywhere!

The IAM Be Your Best lesson talks about how we choose to be our best in whatever circumstances come our way. We call this your Essential Best because it brings all of who you are into the picture – a holistic view.

This focus on your best is an interesting concept that seems so simple, yet can be completely forgotten. Just directing my attention to being my best helps me imagine a better outcome for my conversations with others, how I want to approach a project, how to have more fun, and so on. I can tell when I’m  focused on my best:  I actually feel lighter and breathe easier.

Focusing on my Essential Best helps me make decisions about how I want to show up at work, at home, with my friends and family. It’s a very subtle, simple shift from focusing on what’s wrong, to focusing on what’s right, that gets really great results. Something that helps make this shift is just taking a pause & asking, “Am I bringing my best?”

You might be surprised at how so few people just take a pause. Many times we think we have to give an immediate response, and that’s not always the best approach. Think about it. The next time you are making a decision, having a conversation, conducting a meeting, working with a team, and so on, take a pause & ask yourself, “How can I bring more of my Essential Best?”

I love thinking about career strategies, but that wasn’t always the case. I made some poor choices early in my career. I remember the day my manager told me that he would love to promote me but his hands were tied because I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree. I was so angry. It seemed so unfair; I had gotten excellent performance reviews for 6 years in a row. I thought about what I really wanted for my career and decided I could complain about it or do something about it, so the next week I enrolled in night school to get my bachelor’s degree. I worked really hard. I had a full-time job during the day, school at night, homework on the weekends, and going through infertility treatments. My husband must be a saint!

After I got my degree I moved into a better position at a new company, or so I thought. At first I loved my work, but after a few years I began to get restless. I wondered what was wrong with me. When I told my boss I wanted to do something different, she said, “Why can’t you just stay where you are?” If you read the Career Concepts article in this lesson, you’ll see that I favor the spiral career concept, so there’s nothing wrong with me.

I couldn’t just quit my job due to financial obligations and had no idea what I even wanted to do, so I hired a coach (the lovely Karen Tax) to help me figure it out. We created a strategy so I would have enough money in the bank to take off a year from work and begin a coaching program. I also found a great part-time job. Interestingly enough, that year was my husband’s highest salary ever due to the bonuses he received (this was post 9/11).

Now I’m completing a master’s program in May, have my own business, and am partnering with Karen in this venture of IAM Learning initiatives.  What I’ve learned is that in our world today, it isn’t likely that we can plan out our whole careers in this linear, static fashion. However, it is essential to be strategic about our careers. If I had not been strategic about my career, I would be have likely been laid off as the company I work for is now in bankruptcy, and my career choices would have been very limited.

In the Sight Your Destination lesson, we asked you to think about what you really, really want for your life and career. As you think about strategies you have employed in your life and career, which ones have worked best for you?